Scarborough

It’s close to eleven and something evil’s lurking

In the pitch

Under the light  you see a sight that almost stops

Your heart

You try to scream, but terror takes the sound before

You make it

You start to freeze as horror looks you right between

The eyes

You’re paralyzed

 

‘Cause this is Scarborough, Scarborough festival

And no one’s gonna save you from the beast about to

Strike

You know it’s Scarborough, Scarborough festival

You’re fighting for your life on a green pitch

Scarborough today

 

You see the ball pitch and realize there’s nowhere

Left to go

You feel the cold edge and wonder if you’ll ever see

A run

You close your eyes and hope that this is just

Imagination

But all the while you hear Amir creepin’ up

Foster’s Behind

You’re out of time

 

‘Cause this is Scarborough, Scarborough festival

There ain’t no second chance against the Essex attack with

Forty bowling points

You know it’s Scarborough, Scarborough festival

You’re fighting for your life on a green pitch

Scarborough today

 

Essex bowlers call

And the club starts to walk in their masquerade

There’s no escapin’ the jaws of the Foster this time

(They’re open wide)

This is the end of your title hopes

 

They’re out to get you; there’s bowlers closing in on

Every side

They will possess you unless you change the number on

Your shirt.

Now is the time for you and I to cuddle Brian Close

Together

All through the day I’ll save you from the terrors on

The pitch

I’ll make you see

 

That it’s a Scarborough, Scarborough festival

‘Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost

Would ever dare try

Girl, this is Scarborough, Scarborough festival

So let me hold you tight and share a new ball

Scarborough here today

 

That it’s a Scarborough, Scarborough festival

‘Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost

Would ever dare try

Girl, this is Scarborough, Scarborough festival

So let me hold you tight and share a new ball

 

Darkness falls across the land

The Sidebottom hour is close at hand

Batsman crawl in search of runs

To terrorize y’awl’s neighborhood

And whosoever shall be found

Without the soul for getting down

Must stand and face the hounds of hell

And rot inside a Hopps’ toilet shell

 

The foulest stench is in the air

The funk of forty thousand overs

And grizzly bowlers from every tomb

Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive

Your body starts to shiver

For no mere batsman can resist

The evil of the Scarborough festival.

Another (Surrey batsman) bites the dust…

Oh! Let’s go!

Steve Davies walks warily down the street

With his brim pulled way down low.

Ain’t no sound but the sound of his feet,

David Masters is ready to go.


Are you ready, Surrey, are you ready for this?

Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?

Out of the bowling crease Napier rips

To the sound of the edge


Another Surrey batsman bites the dust

Another Surrey batsman  bites the dust

And another Surrey batsman  gone, and another Surrey batsman gone

Another Surrey batsman  bites the dust

Hey, Napier’s gonna get you, too

Another Surrey batsman  bites the dust


How do you think Surrey are going to get along

Without Steve Davies when he’s gone?

You took Essex for everything they had

And picked Foakes out of our town


Are you happy, are you satisfied?

How long can you stand the heat?

Out of the bowling crease the deliveries rip

To the sound of the edge

Another Surrey batsman bites the dust

Another Surrey batsman  bites the dust

And another Surrey batsman  gone, and another Surrey batsman gone

Another Surrey batsman  bites the dust

Hey, Napier’s gonna get you, too

Another Surrey batsman  bites the dust


There are plenty of ways that you can hurt Essex

And drive them down the ground

You can beat them, you can outspend them


But Napier’s ready, yes, He’s ready for you

He’s standing on his own two feet

Out of the bowling crease the deliveries rip

Repeating to the sound of the edge

  


World Cup Prison Blues

I hear the final pool game a comin’
It’s rolling round the bend
And I ain’t seen England win since I don’t know when,
I’m stuck in Australasia, and time keeps draggin’ on
But that tournament keeps a rollin’ on down to the S.C.G.

When I was just a baby my mama told me. Son,
Always be a good boy, don’t ever play without fun.
But they selected a Tredwell & Ravi at Sydney just to watch them die

When I hear that Aussie crowing, I hang my head and cry..

I bet there’s rich folks eating in a fancy corporate box
They’re probably drinkin’ coffee and smoking big cigars.
Well I know England had it coming, I know England can’t be free
But this team keeps a losin’
And that’s what tortures me…

Well if they freed Ravi from this tour,
If that England job was mine
I bet I’d move the team on a little farther down the line
Far from the Peter Moores, that’s where I want to stay
And I’d let Ravi’s bowling blow my blues away…..

Elanor Rigby (The England Lions version)

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If a player makes a hundred in a Lions game but nobody is there to see it, does it happen?

Ah look at all the Lions players
Ah look at all the Lions players

Ravi Bopara, picks up runs
In a ground where a Lions game has been
Lives in a dream
Waits for the squad announcement, wearing the face
That he keeps in a jar by the door
Who is this selection for

All the Lions players
Where do they all come from?
All the Lions players
Where do they all belong?

Andy Flower, writing the words
Of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near
Look at him working, updating his laptops
In the night when there’s nobody there
What do the Lions players care?

All the Lions players
Where do they all come from?
All the Lions players
Where do they all belong?

Ah look at all the Lions players
Ah look at all the Lions players

Ravi Bopara, test career died in the lions games
And was buried along with James Taylor’s name
Nobody came
Andy Flower, wiping the dirt
From his hands as he walks from the game
No one executed their skillsets.

All the Lions players
Where do they all come from?
All the Lions players
Where do they all belong?

We’re On the Road with the BLF Army

We’re on the march wi’ the BLF Army,
We’re going tae the Aberdeen,
And we’ll really shake them up,
When we win the 2015 World Cup,
‘Cos Scotland/England (depending on wha’s winning) is the greatest cricket team,
We’re representing beards,
And we’re gaunny grow or die,
The handlebar club cannae dae it,
‘Cos they didnae let us qualify!

We’re on the march wi’ the BLF Army,
We’re going tae the Aberdeen,
And we’ll really shake them up,
When we win the 2015 World Cup,
‘Cos Scotland/England is the greatest cricket team,

Take me home, County cricket

Almost heaven, Wantage Road, Trent Bridge seamers, Severn River.
Life is old there, older than the Sheffield Shield, younger than the MCC, blowing like Gareth Breese.
County cricket, take me home to the place I belong.
Derbyshire, Monty mania, take me home, county cricket.

All my memories gather round her, umpire’s hazy, stranger to blue sky.
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky, misty taste of Oranjebloom, teardrop in my eye.
County cricket, take me home to the place I belong.
Worcestershire, Monty mania, take me home, county cricket.

I hear the voice in the morning hour she calls me, the radio reminds me of team far away.
And driving down the M11 I get a feeling that I should have been watching Bopara yesterday, yesterday.
County cricket, take me home to the place I belong.
Leicestershire, Monty mania, take me home, county cricket.

County cricket, take me home to the place I belong.
Gloucestershire, Monty mania, take me home, county cricket.

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What would Lottie Edwards do?

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What would Charlotte Edwards do
If she was here right now,
She’d make a plan
And she’d follow through,
That’s what Charlotte Edwards’d do.

When Charlotte Edwards was in the Ashes,
bating for the urn,
She did two sweeps and an on drive
While wearing a blind fold.

When Charlotte Edwards was in the World Twenty20,
Fighting grizzly spinners,
She used her magical fire breath,
And saved the team’s fair hair.

So what would Charlotte Edwards do
If she were here today,
I’m sure she’d kick an ass or two,
That’s what Charlotte Edwards’d do.

(Alastair Cook)
I want this ECB V-chip out of me,
It has stunted my vo-ca-bu-lar-y.

(KP)
And I just want Piers Moron
To stop fighting everyone

(Bell)
For Gilo I’ll be a Twenty20 batsman, too,
Cos that’s what Charlotte Edwards would do.

And what would Charlotte Edwards do,
She’d call all the cricketers in town,
And tell them to unite for true
That’s what Charlotte Edwards would do.

When Charlotte Edwards traveled through time
To the year 3010,
She fought the evil robot kings
and saved the human race again

And when Charlotte Edwards built the pyramids,
She beat up Kubla Khan.

Cos Charlotte Edwards doesn’t take shit from an-e-y-body

So lets all get together,
And unite to stop Giles Clarke
And we’ll save English cricket too,
Cos that’s what Charlotte Edwards do.

And we’ll save English Cricket too,
Cos that’s what Charlotte Edwards would dooooo,
That’s what Charlotte Edwards do.

England after taking a wicket vs New Zealand at the Ford County ground, Chelmsford in June 2010.
England after taking a wicket vs New Zealand at the Ford County ground, Chelmsford in June 2010.