Sentencing remarks…

Paul Alexander Stuart Frame, you have pleaded guilty to the charges brought by this court, and it is now my duty to pass sentence.

You are an habitual cricket supporter, who accepts liking the watching of unsavoury characters who whistle as an occupational hazard, and presumably accepts victory in the same casual manner.

We therefore feel constrained to commit you to the maximum term allowed for these offences:

You will watch England lose for five years.