Sentencing remarks…

Paul Alexander Stuart Frame, you have pleaded guilty to the charges brought by this court, and it is now my duty to pass sentence.

You are an habitual cricket supporter, who accepts liking the watching of unsavoury characters who whistle as an occupational hazard, and presumably accepts victory in the same casual manner.

We therefore feel constrained to commit you to the maximum term allowed for these offences:

You will watch England lose for five years.

 

Take me home, County cricket

Almost heaven, Wantage Road, Trent Bridge seamers, Severn River.
Life is old there, older than the Sheffield Shield, younger than the MCC, blowing like Gareth Breese.
County cricket, take me home to the place I belong.
Derbyshire, Monty mania, take me home, county cricket.

All my memories gather round her, umpire’s hazy, stranger to blue sky.
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky, misty taste of Oranjebloom, teardrop in my eye.
County cricket, take me home to the place I belong.
Worcestershire, Monty mania, take me home, county cricket.

I hear the voice in the morning hour she calls me, the radio reminds me of team far away.
And driving down the M11 I get a feeling that I should have been watching Bopara yesterday, yesterday.
County cricket, take me home to the place I belong.
Leicestershire, Monty mania, take me home, county cricket.

County cricket, take me home to the place I belong.
Gloucestershire, Monty mania, take me home, county cricket.