The Fallen

In October the ECB awarded central contracts for 2013-14 to the following:

James Anderson (Lancashire)
Ian Bell (Warwickshire)
Tim Bresnan (Yorkshire) 
Stuart Broad (Nottinghamshire)
Alastair Cook (Essex)
Steven Finn (Middlesex)
Kevin Pietersen (Surrey)
Matt Prior (Sussex) 
Joe Root (Yorkshire)
Graeme Swann (Nottinghamshire)
Jonathan Trott (Warwickshire)

Were this the USSR we'd see several gaps in this photo now.

Were this the USSR we’d see several gaps in this photo now.

7 players are now not available for selection through long-term injury (Swann, Trott and Prior), form (Finn and Bresnan) and long-term decisions (we all know who).

Central contracts were introduced to provide stability and continuity of selection. Arguably October’s contract list has arguably contributed to instability this year. Too many players were playing too much cricket and the players and the English game in general has borne the brunt.

It’s such a shame that when they negotiated the central contracts price rise in October that the players did not negotiate for time off rather than more money.

Hymns and Arias for Twenty20

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I wrote this in April after Glamorgan beat Surrey and posted it as a comment on the Guardian’s website. Now Glamorgan are back there tonight in a Twenty20 here it is on here for posterity.

Guide me, O thou great Reesdeemer,
Pilgrim though this barren land(of division two);
I am Wagg, but thou art Allenby;
Hold me with thy powerful hand;
Bragg of Newport,
Wagg of Rugby
Beat Surrey now and evermore
Beat Surrey now and evermore

Warm Weather advice on Beards, Shorts & Sandals issued

Originally posted on Kmflett's Blog:

Beard Liberation Front
PRESS RELEASE 3rd July
Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

WARM WEATHER ADVICE ON BEARDS, SHORTS & SANDALS ISSUED

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has issued updated advice on the wearing of Beards, Shorts and Sandals with warm weather in some areas of the UK forecast for the next few days

Guidelines
1] Shorts and sandals may be worn after 9am until 8pm at the discretion of the wearer.
2] Where sandals are worn the wearing of socks is discouraged but not forbidden
3] If socks are not worn toenails must be neat, trimmed, clean and fungus free
4] Shorts should ideally be around knee length to provide a balanced image with the beard
5] Shorts should be of conservative design and colour. Wearing of bright red, yellow or floral patterned shorts is forbidden and shorts should generally come below the knee
6]…

View original 179 more words

Should I stay or should I go?

Downton you’ve got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that the captaincy is mine
I’ll be here ’til the end of time
So you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?

It’s always tease tease tease
Piers Morgan’s happy when I’m on my knees
One test is fine and next it’s all black
So if you want KP off your back
Well come on an’ let me know
Should I Stay or should I go?

Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be PR trouble
An’ if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know
Should I stay or should I go?

Ask the umpire

Hi John,

I’m a bowler and I’ve appealed the umpire to enquire whether a batsman is out under the laws and playing conditions of the game. Should I just keep warning a batsman that they should stop letting deliveries hit them on the pads when they are stood in front of the stumps?

Which part of the spirit of cricket that has been codified in the preamble to the laws says that appealing to the umpire when a batsman is out does this break?

PREAMBLE TO THE LAWS

Cricket is a game that owes much of its unique appeal to the fact that it should be played not only within its Laws but also within the Spirit of the Game.

Any action which is seen to abuse this spirit causes injury to the game itself. The major responsibility for ensuring the spirit of fair play rests with the captains.

1. There are two Laws which place the responsibility for the team’s conduct firmly on the captain.

Responsibility of captains
The captains are responsible at all times for ensuring that play is conducted within the Spirit of the Game as well as within the Laws.

Player’s conduct
In the event of a player failing to comply with instructions by an umpire, or criticising by word or action the decisions of an umpire, or showing dissent, or generally behaving in a manner which might bring the game into disrepute, the umpire concerned shall in the first place report the matter to the other umpire and to the player’s captain, and instruct the latter to take action.

2. Fair and unfair play
According to the Laws the umpires are the sole judges of fair and unfair play.
The umpires may intervene at any time and it is the responsibility of the captain to take action where required.

3. The umpires are authorised to intervene in cases of:
Time wasting
Damaging the pitch
Dangerous or unfair bowling
Tampering with the ball
Any other action that they consider to be unfair

4. The Spirit of the Game involves RESPECT for:
Your opponents
Your own captain and team
The role of the umpires
The game and its traditional values

5. It is against the Spirit of the Game:
To dispute an umpire’s decision by word, action or gesture
To direct abusive language towards an opponent or an umpire
To indulge in cheating or any sharp practice, for instance:
(a) to appeal knowing that the batsman is not out
(b) to advance towards an umpire in an aggressive manner when appealing
(c) to seek to distract an opponent either verbally or by harassment with persistent clapping or unnecessary noise under the guise of enthusiasm and motivation of one’s own side

6. Violence
There is no place for any act of violence on the field of play.

7. Players
Captains and umpires together set the tone for the conduct of a cricket match. Every player is expected to make an important contribution to this.
The players, umpires and scorers in a game of cricket may be of either gender and the Laws apply equally to both.
The use, throughout the text, of pronouns indicating the male gender is purely for brevity. Except where specifically stated otherwise, every provision of the Laws is to be read as applying to women and girls equally as to men and boys.

We’re On the Road with the BLF Army

We’re on the march wi’ the BLF Army,
We’re going tae the Aberdeen,
And we’ll really shake them up,
When we win the 2015 World Cup,
‘Cos Scotland/England (depending on wha’s winning) is the greatest cricket team,
We’re representing beards,
And we’re gaunny grow or die,
The handlebar club cannae dae it,
‘Cos they didnae let us qualify!

We’re on the march wi’ the BLF Army,
We’re going tae the Aberdeen,
And we’ll really shake them up,
When we win the 2015 World Cup,
‘Cos Scotland/England is the greatest cricket team,

Sentencing remarks…

Paul Alexander Stuart Frame, you have pleaded guilty to the charges brought by this court, and it is now my duty to pass sentence.

You are an habitual cricket supporter, who accepts liking the watching of unsavoury characters who whistle as an occupational hazard, and presumably accepts victory in the same casual manner.

We therefore feel constrained to commit you to the maximum term allowed for these offences:

You will watch England lose for five years.